SELF-PORTRAITS OF MY BODY
I wanted to create something that I could connect with my drawings and paintings and make it at the same time as artistic as possible. My body has always been a big topic in my life.
Already as a young girl, I developed a curvy physique and didn't know how to handle it as I felt I was the only one in my circle of friends and amongst my three sisters who wasn't a size zero. Only comparing myself to models and the girls around me made me feel bad.
With only 13 years I starved myself to 45 kilos. It didn't make me happy but proud. I loved not having any curves anymore.
At the same time, one of my sisters started to be anorexic which shocked and upset me so much that it made me eat again. But I had forgotten how to eat in a normal way. Instead of starving myself, I started to overeat. As soon as I wanted to lose weight again I started to famish. I had entered a vicious circle.
Later when I went to a boarding school I gained more weight which led to bulimia. I had never felt so upset and asked my parents to go to a clinic to help me with my eating disorder.
No one knew about it but my family. I was scared about what others might think about it. The clinic helped me at first but as soon as I was back in normal life I started with my old eating patterns.
The older I got the more I realised my whole life was rotating around food and the way I looked.
Today I learned to accept me the way I am. I learned to face my problems and to see my curves as something positive.
That's why I have made this project. I wanted to prove myself that my body is beautiful despite everything it has been through, despite all my stretch marks.
I hope that I can be an example for others and that they can tell their story without being afraid of it.
The finished photographs are produced on acrylic glass and painted. The drawings represent the dissatisfaction, pain, healing, internal scars and the acceptance of my body.
These pictures have not been published yet. What you see are the unpainted versions.
Emilia Carlotta Lucia - ECL Art